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News You Can Use
Are You a Victim of Domestic Violence?
Almost 25 percent of American women say they have been battered or raped by their partner, according to the National Violence Against Women Survey (June
2000). Anyone can be in an abusive relationship. Neither race, education, nor socioeconomic status keep you safe from domestic violence. Like many problems,
domestic abuse almost always gets worse without help.
Generally, the victim must take the first step toward getting help. Because domestic abuse can greatly
affect a woman’s self-confidence, it becomes
more and more difficult for her to seek the help she needs. Although it is thought that most victims of domestic violence are women, men are victims as
well.
What is Domestic Abuse?
Most people think of domestic abuse as only involving physical abuse. However, it can have other forms. Sexual abuse and emotional abuse are also types
of domestic violence.
Physical abuse—this type of abuse can range from hits, slaps, and kicks to throwing items at or near a partner, forcing a partner
to drive recklessly,
or refusing to help a partner when they are injured or ill. Physical abuse does not always leave a mark or a bruise.
Sexual abuse—this type of abuse can include:
- Forcing someone to have sex
- Forcing someone to perform sexual acts against their will
- Forcing someone to have sex with someone else
- Being excessively jealous
- Forcing someone to dress more provocatively than they would like
Emotional abuse—this type of abuse can be the most difficult to detect, but
can cause the most long-term damage. Victims of emotional abuse often have seriously impaired self-esteem and assertiveness, making it difficult for
them to leave the relationship. Over time, emotional abuse can escalate
to:
- Constant threats
- Insults and degrading comments
- Public humiliation
- Out-of-control rages
- Terrorizing behaviors, such as locking the partner in a room or closet
How Do I Identify a Domestic Abuser?
Domestic abusers do not fit one profile, but many of them have similar characteristics. The following lists characteristics of many domestic abusers. Keep
in mind that the list is not exhaustive and that not all characteristics fit all abusers.
Abuser Profile
- Uncontrolled temper. Have very short fuses and become immediately angry.
- Have poor coping skills.
- Unreasonable and demanding at times.
- Unpredictable.
- Give double messages. For example, their messages range from loving to abusive.
- Deny that the abuse has occurred or make light of a violent episode.
- Blame the victim, other people, or outside events for the violent attack.
- Extreme jealousy.
- Express remorse and beg for forgiveness with seemingly loving gestures.
- Can be hard workers and good providers.
- Can be witty, charming, attractive, and intelligent.
- At times are loving parents.
- Intense fear of abandonment.
- A background involving physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
What to Do if You are a Victim of Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is a crime, and the police or the courts should provide protection. Victims can file criminal charges or obtain a restraining order.
When leaving an abuser, a local domestic violence shelter is a good resource. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached 24 hours a day/7 days
a week at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)—this national hotline links victims with local domestic violence resources. The National
Domestic Violence Hotline also has a website at www.ndvh.org.
For Wake County, North Carolina residents, Interact is an excellent local resource for domestic
violence victims—Interact can be reached on a 24-hour
crisis line at 919-828-7740. Employees can also call Frank Horton Associates, their Employee Assistance Program, at 1-800-326-3864 any time day or night
to get help.
It is important to have a safety plan in place before leaving an abusive relationship. When a victim decides to leave a relationship, it is
a critical and, possibly, more dangerous time; that is why it is important to contact the police or the courts and local domestic violence resources before
leaving. An organization such as Interact can help you develop a safety plan before you leave. As part of the safety plan, make sure that you:
- Hide money
- Hide extra set of house/car keys and extra bag of clothing
- Establish a code with family/friends
- Ask a neighbor to call police if situation becomes violent
- Remove all weapons from house
When you leave, take:
- Social security numbers (yours, his, children’s)
- Rent/mortgage and utility receipts
- Birth certificates, drivers license (yours and children’s)
- Bank account numbers
- Insurance policies
- Important phone numbers
Some information for this article was taken from www.crescentlife.com/psychissues/abuser_profile.htm, August 2003.
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